Foul Mouthed Rogue
by Titania Le Fey
Summary: Snake finds a place to hide and runs into someone who can put even Snake Plissken in his place.


Snake was running for his life. This was nothing usual especially when he dared to enter Lynchburg. Today it was a necessary evil and as expected he ended up running with a police chopper on his ass. Same old same old. An open window half way up the street on the dark side looked promising. Snake ducked into the darkness cast by the buildings and pushed his tired body to the limits. He had to if he wanted any hopes of out running the chopper and its searchlights. Plissken got below the window, jumped up and hoisted himself in the window.

The inside was pitch black. He lowered himself to the floor and held tight while he waited for his eye to adjust. The bright beam of light and wave of noise came from outside the window. Involuntarily he held his breath until it started to fade. He was safe for now. Snake observed the room noting it was a bathroom. Probably the women's room when he noticed the lack of urinals. He didn't much care and now that his breath was coming back he had to piss.

Snake walked nonchalantly to the stall and was just about to open his pants when the lights came on. Plissken froze and turned in the stall. Five or six sets of quiet foot steps were headed for his position. There was no way the cops had caught up with him already. Snake tensed as the shadows crawled closer. He could see five and waited in silence in case he needed to strike. Noise in the next stall over distracted him but the shriek brought his full attention back to the open door of his stall.

"Jesus Christ." Snake couldn't hold in the shock as he stared at a relatively young nun who was shrieking like she saw a ghost. Snake started to move foreword and got not a step beyond the door before a hard crack to the arm caught him by surprise. A red welt was already rising on the skin when his eye turned to it.

"What are you doing in here?" The woman beside him, much older, was waving a thick wooden ruler like a deadly weapon. "And don't use that curse again."

Snake was so taken aback by the older woman that he took a step away. "Damn."

Another crack came as Snake tried to ward it off. "Fuck."

The sting had brought out another curse and a strike in response. This time Plissken bit down on the words. Holding in the curses as his head throbbed from being cracked with a ruler was near impossible.

"Someone call the police."

Snake all but panicked. "No, don't."

"Why not?" The slightly out of breath elderly woman pinned him with an expression that would have made the Ruskie interrogators run for the hills.

"I was leaving." Snake declared as he eyed the ruler warily.

"Through the bathroom?"

God she sounded like his mother. "No."

Snake moved to leave and she came between him and his way out. Normally he would have pushed past but even Snake wouldn't shove an elderly nun aside. Something about it just seemed wrong.

"Why did I find you in the girl's room?" She was determined. "And don't lie."

"Would you rather I pissed on the floor?" Snake rolled his eye and managed to dodge the ruler this time.

"You have quite a foul mouth on you but it complements your reek of drink."

The woman was a viper and surly as a rhino. Snake sighed and looked around the room. "Can I go now?"

"Are you going to flush before you leave?"

Snake glanced into the stall and frowned. "I didn't use it."

"Well, go ahead. You broke in to use it."

Plissken rolled his eye and turned toward the stall with the older nun right on his heels. He paused at the stall door and looked over his shoulder at her. "What you going to watch?"

"No. I'm going to make sure you don't slip off into the convent. I know your kind." She was waving the ruler again.

"Really?" Snake questioned as he closed the door. There was no way he could piss with nuns outside the door listening.

"You are all sinful rogues who need reprimanded for your actions."

Snake listened to her go on about how terrible he was while trying to concentrate on pissing. It wasn't working, not until he cleared his mind. Finished, he flushed and redid his pants before walking out of the stall.

The older nun was standing by the far door he assumed was the exit to the rest of the building. Snake made for it like hell was coming. The welt on his arm burned like fire.

"You get over there and wash your hands."

Snake froze and stared at her when he tried to walk past. She was like his mother and the voice culled him to a compliant kid. Reluctant but dutifully Plissken walked over and washed his hands. He wiped the wet hands on his pants and heard the telltale motherly sigh.

"Can I go now?" He asked.

She nodded. "Down the hall to the end and head to the left. The door in at the far end."

Snake nodded as he stepped from the bathroom and into the corridor.

"In the future, Mr. Plissken, do try to use the front door for our bathrooms instead of the window. You frightened my poor girls."

Snake turned to give her a queer look. She smiled much like a mother looking after her boy after he'd been to detention. Snake knew the look enough that he laughed quietly. So much like his mother aside from the ruler. Plissken rubbed his arm and stepped into the night air to find a place to lay low.


End file.
